Invitation Wording For Blended Families?
Dear Diva,
We are struggling with the wording for our invitations. The wedding expenses are being shared between ourselves, my parents, my fiance’s dad and my fiance’s mother and step-dad. His mother is insisting that her husband be included. Is this the proper thing to do and if so how do we word the invitation to include both my fiance’s father and step-father?
C. Wiebe
Saskatoon, SK
With today’s blended families, this is a common question. Proper etiquette is that the individuals how are paying for the wedding are the hosts and are honored as such in the invitations. In situations where there is both a father and a step-father helping pay for the wedding, both should be included. The father and his spouse if applicable are listed first followed by the mother and her spouse.
The wording for this particular situation should look something like this:
Together with their parents
JANE SMITH
daughter of John & Jen Smith
and
BOB JONES
son of Jim Jones and Ben and Anne Samson
request the honor of your presence as they unite in marriage.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
Destination Wedding Rehearsal Guest List?
Dear Diva,
We are planning a destination wedding for Jamaica in 2010. We have 30 guests coming including family, wedding party members and friends. For the rehearsal dinner the night before do we invite only family and wedding party members or should we included everyone?
C. Dubois
Edmonton, Alberta
Normally a rehearsal dinner included family and wedding party members but often out-of-town guests are included. It’s a nice gesture towards the guests who have had to travel and are staying in hotels because of your wedding. The same would apply for destination weddings were all the guests are away from home.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
Wedding Dates Conflict?
Dear Diva,
My husband and I have been invited to 2 different weddings on the same day. Both couples are very dear friends of ours and we would love to attend both weddings but we can’t. How do we choose which wedding to attend without damaging any friendships?
Esther T.
Winnipeg, MB
Dear Esther,
My first question would be about the locations and times of each wedding. If both weddings are happening within reasonable driving distance or the time of each wedding allows you may be able to attend both ceremonies or attend the ceremony of one and the reception of the other. Alternatively, you may choose to attend one wedding while your husband attends the other.
If those options do not work the basic rule of etiquette would indicate that the couple whose invitation was received first would be the one you attend. Explain to the second couple that you had already committed to a wedding you were previously invited to and then make plans to get together with them at a later date to watch the wedding video and celebrate.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
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Guess The Dress Code?
Dear Diva,
I have been invited to four different weddings in the next few months and none of the invitations included information on dress code. What would be considered appropriate dress for a wedding without a dress code?
Tony B.
Saskatoon, SK
Dear Tony,
Generally, unless a dress code is indicated, you can determine the most appropriate attire based on the location & time of the event. Afternoon weddings are generally less formal than evening weddings. Outdoor weddings and similar venue are usually less formal than banquet halls and ballrooms. An afternoon wedding in a park with a tent reception would indicate a less formal dress code. On the other hand, an early evening wedding in a cathedral followed by a catered dinner and dance at a banquet hall would indicate a more formal dress code.
Appropriate attire can range from sundresses and slacks for an informal event to suits and evening gowns for a formal evening event. If you are still unsure opt for an outfit that can easily be pared down. Men can opt for a suit and simply leave the suit jacket in the car if you arrive to find most guests are dressed casually. For a female guest a little black dress can be dressed up or down simply by changing shoes and accessories.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
——-
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RSVP Deadline Looming?
Dear Diva,
Our RSVP deadline is coming up in less than a week and so far only 34 of our 180 RSVPs have been received. Our caterer needs a final number by a set date so we really need to know as quickly as possible. Would it be rude for me to call guests who haven’t RSVPed yet?
Samantha W.
Regina, SK
Dear Samantha,
It is normally recommended that you set your RSVP deadline a week or more before your caterer’s deadline for exactly that reason – there are always at least a few guests who forget to RSVP and you need to leave yourself enough time to contact those guests so you can finalize your guest list. It is best to wait until your RSVP deadline has passed and then feel free to call those who haven’t responded.
Don’t mention the RSVP deadline or your guest’s failure to RSVP. Just explain that you need a final guest count for the caterer and you wanted to confirm that they would be attending. This will give you a final guest count without insulting any of your guests.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
——-
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Liquor License on Private Property?
Dear Diva,
My parents own a large country property just outside of the city and it is the perfect setting for an intimate summer wedding. We would like to have our wedding and reception there. Since the reception will be taking place in our own backyard do we need a liquor license?
Tina F.
Winnipeg, MB
Dear Tina,
According to the Manitoba Liquor Commission, if you are hosting the reception on private property, you may serve alcohol without a license but you cannot sell alcohol. In order to sell alcohol, a liquor license is required and liquor licenses can only be issued for receptions held in a banquet hall.
It is important to remember that the property owner and host is responsible for ensuring that alcohol is consumed responsibly, that wedding guests are not driving drunk, etc.
The MLCC also recommends that you contact your local police department. Local bi-laws can vary and your local police department will be able to let you know if there are any local bi-laws that will affect your event. Brides planning weddings outside of Manitoba should contact their local liquor commissions as regulations may vary from province to province as well.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
——-
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Choosing a good DJ?
Dear Diva,
We are getting married this summer and we need a DJ for our reception but there are so many to choose from. What should we be looking for in a DJ?
S. Pynaert
Winnipeg, Manitoba
A DJ can make or break a reception. A good DJ knows how to interact with the crowd to create an upbeat, fun party atmosphere that gets guests out of their seats and onto the dance floor. The best way to ensure you have a good DJ is to use one you have seen in action at recent weddings or parties.
If that isn’t possible, make appointments to meet with a number of different DJs who are in your price range. You can tell a lot about your DJ from your first meeting. Do they treat you professionally? Do they arrive on time; have a neat appearance and a professional attitude? Do they go over the details in an organized and well prepared manner? These are all indications to show you if you are dealing with a professional, well prepared, organized DJ.
When you meet with each DJ, here are a few things you can ask to help you choose the best DJ for your wedding:
- What training and experience does your DJ have?
- Are there past brides you can contact for a reference or video samples from previous weddings?
- Does the DJ have quality equipment and back up equipment?
- Is there an extensive song selection?
- What will the DJ wear to the event?
- Does the DJ have experience working at the venue you will be using?
- Is there liability insurance in place so that you are not liable for injuries or damages caused by their equipment?
- Are they associated with any professional associations?
- Are there any additional costs not included in the package: travel, overtime, etc?
Last but not least – make sure you know who your DJ will be. If you are hiring a DJ company that employs multiple DJs, ask to meet the specific DJ who will be assigned to your wedding and find out what that specific DJ’s past training and experience is. This helps ensure that you don’t hire a company with 15 years experience but then end up assigned the newest DJ who has only worked a handful of weddings.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
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Combined Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Dear Diva,
I am the maid of honor at a wedding this summer and I am planning a bachelorette party for the bride. The bride and groom share many of the same friends and they mentioned recently that it would be fun to have a combined bachelor/bachelorette party so that everyone can party together. The best man and I have discussed this but we aren’t sure what type of entertainment would be appropriate. We want it to be more than just heading to the bar but strippers and that type of thing just don’t work as well in this mixed group. Do you have any ideas?
S. Enns
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Since the bride and groom share a lot of the same friends, it’s likely that these friends share a lot of similar interests as well so plan an event that includes some of those interests. For example, if your group enjoys baseball, plan a guys-vs-girls baseball game in the late afternoon followed by dinner and drinks and then head out to the night club later in the evening. Some other ideas might include paintballing, a concert, golfing, go-cart racing, or even a party bus!
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
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Bachelor Party Timing?
Dear Diva,
My wedding is coming up in a few weeks and my best man mentioned that he is planning my bachelor party for the night before the wedding. I know this is traditional, but I would rather not have a hangover the morning of my wedding. I would like to be able to enjoy the party without worrying about throwing up on my bride the next day. Is it rude for me to ask him to plan the party for earlier?
T. Harms
Winnipeg, Manitoba
The weekend of the wedding is going to be hectic and while the night before is the tradition it is very common to have bachelor and bachelorette parties planned earlier, sometimes even weeks before the big event. Let your best man know your preference now, before he has done a lot of planning. Just explain that you want to be able to really party with the guys and if he plans if for the night before the wedding, you’ll have to tame it down in order to be functional for the wedding the next day. I am sure he will gladly oblige.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
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Family Bridal Shower?
Dear Diva,
We have a large family spread out across the province and many of them will have to drive quite a distance to attend the shower and engagement party. We would like to plan one large event that will serve as both the engagement party and a family shower but we’ve never planned a shower that would include men and children. We need some ideas on how to put together a shower that will be enjoyable for everyone in attendance.
W. Neufeld
Brandon, Manitoba
A couple’s shower/engagement party sounds like a wonderful solution. The key to pulling this off successfully is to approach it like you would any family gathering. What types of activities does your family usually enjoy together? If you have a lot of golf fanatics, you may want to plan a family golf tournament followed by dinner and gifts at the golf club. If your family often enjoys outdoor events, plan a picnic lunch at a local park with baseball, soccer or other events that family members can enjoy together.
Once you have the basic family gathering aspects covered, you can bring in the special wedding celebration aspects by decorating in colors to match the couple’s wedding colors. You may want to plan a short program with a toast to the couple. Trivia questions and other fun bridal shower games can also be modified to work for a larger group if you wish. Make sure to include time for the couple to open gifts and to mingle with the guests afterwards.
Be Fabulous,
The Wedding Diva
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