His & Her Style with Glen Peloso

Text by Glen Peloso

Marriage is really all about compromise and when you marry and have to merge your styles there are some simple rules to keep you from divorce over a twenty dollar item, significant in someone’s past.  Start with a list of things that each person puts on their ‘must have’ list.  Women often have a problem with that comfortable chair that he really wants to have but they simply can not abide. Men often can’t understand why anyone would want a ridiculous antique sewing machine that doesn’t even work!  If it is on the must have list – then find a compromise.  Perhaps that revolting chair can be recovered to suit both of you or the other option is to ear mark some funds to get a new comfortable chair of his liking.  Perhaps the antique sewing machine can be used for her jewelry and  as an accent piece in the bedroom, and he won’t have to deal with it.   Whatever the choice, remember that the piece makes the other person happy.

It is also perfectly acceptable to create an eclectically furnished room which can be absolutely beautiful.  The only real rule here is to try to keep the pieces approximately two time periods apart (i.e. something from the 60’s with something from the 90’s) If you try to match the 60’s and the 70’s, one of the pieces just ends up looking like a hand me down. For instance combining a great 50’s coffee table with a very modern carpet will give the feeling of an impressive loft setting and people will see you as the ‘cool hip’ couple by accident.

Scale has a major part to play in creating a room and this may be an area that requires compromise.  If you are moving into an 800 sq ft condo for your first place together and one of you is bringing a large sectional sofa then I worry for your shins!  You both have to be realistic.  Obviously if one of you lost sixty pounds you wouldn’t wear the same clothes; the same is true for furnishings. Be prepared to sell some things that don’t work and use the money to get belongings that are scaled properly to the space you will share.

If your combined items end up being some what eclectic it can all be pulled together in the accessories.  Wall colours, window coverings, and accent cushions, made of complimentary fabrics can give the space a completely unified look, regardless of the furnishings in the room.  Choose the paint colour and fabrics together so that everyone will feel comfortable in your new space.

Collections can be the one area where you may have to create ‘his space’ and ‘her space’.  Not everyone is going to respond to a stuffed animal collection, or to a collection of ’beer cans from around the world’.  My initial thought is to let them go and start a collection of things you both respond to as memories of your new life together.  That, however, is not for me to judge.  If one of you has to have your collection and the other person hates it – then a space for that is fine, perhaps just not on display for all-the-world to see.

As the late George Carlin would say ‘there would be room for my stuff if it weren’t for her junk’!   Keep it in perspective.  Your junk will never kiss you good night or bring you hot tea when you are sick.

A few quick tips for making it all work:

1. Gather together the items for the appropriate room – ie beds in bedrooms. The hire a professional or an “objective neutral” friend to help make the decision about what stays and goes

1. Both of you get to create a “must keep” pile then try to honour your new partner’s wishes on that pile

1. Create a simple drawing of each room of your new space on graph paper where one square equals one foot.  Measure the furniture you have and place it in the rooms to make sure it fits properly

1. If room allows, create a his space and a hers space for personal things that the other person doesn’t really like (the hockey picture collection or the royal Dulton collection)

1. Create a list of furniture and accessories that we need to buy together so that the space becomes a collective creation going forward and equally contribute to the “things we would like to buy” fund

First Year Marriage Budget: 6 Facts To Consider

1. Going Out. While you were dating you likely spent a lot of time going out – to movies, to dinner, to shows or games. Whatever you enjoy, chances are it involved being somewhere. What are your plans for the year ahead? Perhaps one of you expects that after marriage you’ll eat at home more, or entertain in, or spend quiet nights by the fire chatting. Agreeing now on how or whether your social activities will change not only helps with financial planning but will help avoid future arguments.

2. Are you going to live where one or both of you lived before or are you moving into something new? If you’re moving into something new there may be furniture or appliances to be bought, decorating to be done, or kitchens that need stocking. While many couples get much of what they need from weddings or showers there will still be things you lack once all is said and done that you’ll want to get sooner rather than later.

3. Are the cars you drive suitable for y our new life together or is a new vehicle in your future? Are you planning on buying a home in the near future? Budgets now may include plans for saving or for actually buying either or both of these.

4. Take a trip. Whatever the occasion – your first anniversary, a milestone birthday or just a vacation, budget for a trip to somewhere. If you’re planning on children or working at developing a career it may be that travel flexibility is something you lose for a time so take advantage of this first year and get out and see something together. It will either set the pattern for the years to come or will be a fond memory of something to look back on until opportunity presents itself again.

5. Now that you’re married and looking ahead to the future, what about saving for your future? It’s funny but even after they’ve worked for years, many people don’t start thinking about thing like Wills or retirement savings until they become an “us” instead of a me. Whether you prefer active investments or secure and stable savings plans for retirement, these are things you can start to budget and plan for now. Although it’s never too late to start, the sooner you start, the better.

6. Set a budget, do it together and talk about what spending matters and what doesn’t and you’ll avoid some of the pitfalls that can come when people start sharing money.